Look At Me
by Lili107
Summary: Just one question. What the fuck is wrong with you? What in hell has possessed you? There has to be something, right? There's no way the guy who made me feel so good, make me feel like a pile of shit?


I really wish we could talk. I really wish you would say something. I'm too scared to start something myself. Does that make me a coward? Probably. You seem so far. Like i cant even see oyu. Yet you're still here, only a few feet away. Why wont you look at me?  
You see me in class, but you never look. I wish you'de look, so you'de see that it's not over for me. I want to try again. I think about telling you this, but then i think. What if it _is_ over for you? What if you just got over it. Like i was always so afraid you would. But you finally made me believe. You made me think that you would never leave. I believed all your promised. I believed all you smiles and hugs and kisses and laughs. But the joke was on me. Because when i finally gave in, you gave it wasy. You left, and i haven';t heard from you since.  
What do yu do when the one who swore to love you always, decides to leave you. No goodbye, no explanatnion.  
Just an absent nod, and not so much as a smile. 

Just one question.  
What the fuck is wrong with you? What in hell has possessed you? There has to be something, right? There's no way the guy who made me feel so good, make me feel like a pile of shit?  
Love at first site is what you called it.  
Remember?  
You loved me as soon as you saw me in my long skirt and brown blazer.  
That's what you said.  
I didn't believe you though. I'm not an idiot. I saw what you were doing. I could see through you.  
I knew you'd get over it.  
Everyone always get's over it.  
"I love you." You said.  
"No, you don't," I rolled my eyes.  
A few weeks at most, is what I thought.  
Because what kind of idiot would go with a charade for more than a few weeks, right?  
Right. So I was surprised when you didn't stop after a couple weeks.  
"I love you."  
"No, you don't."  
Then you didn't stop after a couple months.  
You baffled me with your persistence.  
My friends told me to give you a chance, "He's really cute,"  
Your friends told me to give you a chance , "He won't shut up about you."  
But I refused.  
"I love you,"  
"No, you don't,"  
You couldn't really be into me, could you?  
You were the star football player with all the trophies.  
I was the nerd with all the book awards.  
Why would you like me? I t would all lead to hurt, I knew it would. So I forgot about you.  
But you wouldn't let me.  
"I love you,"  
"No, you don't,"  
A couple years passed.  
We're juniors now.  
It's almost been 3 years.  
You didn't give up.  
At school, I was stupid.  
I was the girl who kept turning down the star quarterback. The hottest guy in the grade.  
Who was I to hurt guy who had loved me for almost 3 years?  
They told me to stop being an idiot.  
So I did.  
You couldn't be playing, could you?  
It couldn't be a joke anymore. It had been going on for 3 years.  
"I love you," you kept saying.  
"...I love you too." I finally said.  
Everyone knew within a couple minutes.  
I had never seen you so fucking happy.  
_I_ had never been so fucking happy.  
It was finally happening.  
I believed you.  
You had convinced me.  
"I love you,"  
"I love you more."  
You said it everyday.  
I said it back.  
It was our thing.

And then you stopped.  
I didn't want to say it first, it would break tradition.  
But maybe tradition wasn't what you wanted.  
"I love you," i said.  
You smiled, and walked away.  
Not a single word has been said since then.  
What happened?  
Why aren't you talking to me?  
What did I do?  
1 week passes.  
Then a month.  
And then 2.  
You pass me in the corridor every day, talking and laughing with your friends.  
I look at you, to see if something's changed in you beautiful face.  
I try to look at your eyes, but I can'y. What if what i see isn't what i like?  
What if i don't see the love anymore?  
Why the fuck wont you look at me.

Who the fuck is _she?  
_Why the fuck does she keep looking at you.  
I see you two talking all the time. Laughing like we used to.  
Like we don't anymore.  
I see you at her basketball games.  
You're never at my track meets anymore.  
You carry her books.  
You wink at her.  
You ignore me.

I look at her, looking at you.  
I look at you, not looking at me.  
You're looking at her.

I hate her.  
I hate you.

I hate myself most of all.  
It's my fault.  
I made you wait too long.  
I shouldn't have been so stupid.  
Why was i so stupid.  
I did this to myself didn't I?  
I spend sleepless nights hating myself for hating you.  
Hating myself for loving you.  
Because i do.  
So fucking much. 

I want to hate you.  
I want to throw you off a cliff.  
But then I'd run to the bottom to catch you.  
Because I'm an idiot.  
You don't love me.  
You don't care about me.  
But I'd rather die that lose you.  
But I've already lost you.  
I still don't know why. 


End file.
